Grass on the other side.

grass

I had a blog before which I set up back when I was still in High School or College. I don’t really remember. Thinking back now and looking back at what my posts had been, I realize that they were mostly about how I missed being home, complaining about having assignments and showcasing how much of a procrastinator I was.

I cringe while reading my old posts since they all seem so shallow to me now. They sound like rants coming from a spoiled, ungrateful, rich kid complaining about the “difficulties” of school life. That’s exactly what I sounded like as I read it now. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m neither ungrateful, nor am I a rich kid. Spoiled, maybe. To some extent.

Knowing what I know now, having been exposed to some of the more difficult situations most people nowadays are experiencing, I can’t help but feel ashamed of my younger self for not realizing early on how good my life had been, how so many people could have made better use of the opportunity that was given to me.

I currently work at a foundation that focuses on helping people in marginal communities by providing the community the help and support they need. A number of times, I have gone to the community myself just to see how life is out there and there were also instances I went to “teach them English” (although I’m not really a teacher, so I did it by just teaching random English songs.) Not all children from these communities have the opportunity and financial capability to enroll in a school. The parents don’t have stable jobs; some are skilled labor workers, public transportation drivers, street cleaners, etc. – noble jobs, but as noble as they are, sometimes they are still not sufficient to provide for the needs of the entire family. It is inspiring to see though, that these families, no matter what situation they are in, they are still firm with hope and faith that their lives will change for the better as long as they believe in the higher power and work hard. The moment you see them, they greet you with the warmest, innocent smiles you’ll ever see – hospitality and warmth in its purest. No matter how little they have, they would still offer you the best they can give. If that isn’t touching enough, I don’t know what is.

What I’ve seen in these communities has only made me even more grateful for what I have now.  Things I take for granted just because I’ve always had them. Never crossing my mind just how important they are and that some people only dream of ever having such things. You know how the saying goes: “You never know what you’ve got until it’s gone.” Fortunately, I didn’t have to wait until I’ve lost these things to realize their importance.

I just hope that similarly, other people out there realize how lucky they are to possess whatever it is that they have. We always say that, “Grass is always greener on the other side.” Well yes, that’s because we don’t stop to look at how green the grass is on our side of the garden. If only we cared enough to look…

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Introversion.

As I type this, I think of all the wonderful things I want to say but can never say. Ah who am I kidding? I have nothing wonderful to say. I have no idea whatsoever what this is going to be about. I’m not the type of person who always has something to say. In fact, I’m more known to be someone who keeps quiet, who just smiles shyly, who seems stupid to some people because she just stares at you for awhile despite asking her a very straightforward question.

People say, “SPEAK UP,” “SAY WHAT’S ON YOUR MIND.”

My question is: WHY?

Why do you want me to speak up?

Why do you want to listen to what I have to say?

Why does my opinion or statement matter to you?

Why are you making me do things I don’t want to?

Why?

Why?

WHY?

And more importantly, IF I SPEAK UP:

Would you listen?

Would you care?

Would my statement matter?

Would you just look for a loophole in my opinion and shut me down?

Would you just completely disagree with me?

Would you understand my point?


 

My whole life, I’ve never been perceived as “talkative.” Not even teachers would complain to my parents to say that I’m causing noise in class. Never happened. Never will. Because I’m not wired that way. Even if you ask me to talk, it would not be in such a decibel that you’d want to “shush” me. My vocal instruments might not be capable of such sound intensity. Thus, the term: QUIET (spoken in a whisper).

It’s just never been a hobby of mine to open my mouth to “talk.” To sing, maybe. But not to talk. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t really know what to say or maybe because I don’t see the point in speaking up at that moment in time. I speak. Just not all the time. If I have nothing I want to talk about, I keep quiet. If I don’t have an opinion, I stay quiet. Do I really have to voice out every single thought that’s crossing my mind? Can’t I just keep that to myself? I have nothing personal against you, I just don’t want to talk right now. I can’t talk as frequently as some people tweet on Twitter (every few seconds).

I understand that some people are naturally outgoing, talkative and always have something to talk about. I get that. I salute you. That’s something I’ve always wished I could do. I try, I do. It’s just not enough I guess. I run out of things to talk about easily. Or possibly, I’m just not comfortable with speaking that I just stop trying to extend the conversation.

I read in some article about introverts some time ago that an introvert has a very limited social energy, which they use to interact with people. Once an introvert reaches their limit, they need to recharge by going into a corner, alone and re-energize. I very much agree with this. This is definitely true in my case. Like I said, I talk. Ask me a question, I’ll answer. If you’re lucky and I’m in the mood, I’d even tell you “more than a sentence” answers. However, seeing as how my social interaction energy (think MP in terms of RPG) is very limited, I won’t be able to use my “SPECIAL SKILLS” once my social interaction energy is low. (SPECIAL SKILLS being for example, my ability to answer questions in more than 1 sentence). Pardon my RPG references.

You know how people like parties and social gatherings? Well, not me. It’s mentally and emotionally draining. I would rather sit at home, watch TV, read a book, listen to music, or whatever. Some would find that pathetic and lonely but believe me, it’s one of the best feelings in the world, to just be able to relax at home, stare at walls, talk to yourself, do a Harry Potter marathon for a whole day, finish a TV series in a day, ahhh.. now that’s what you call… FREEDOM!

If you read the abovementioned and agreed with me fully, “Hi, nice to meet you. Welcome to the introvert club.” Although that probably wouldn’t make sense since introverts wouldn’t like to be a member of a club. Ok, scratch that. “Hi there. I’m also an introvert. Now go to your corner and I won’t bother you. 🙂 haha..

Introverts are harmless and we like company too (sometimes). So if you’re hesitant in approaching us, do it little by little. Don’t force it. Don’t expect introverts to want to be with you all the time though. Remember, we value our alone time. Respect that. Once we grow comfortable around your company, you’ll see a glimpse of our wild side (which is relatively still mild – note: talking about myself). Don’t try to change us because that’s just how we are.


Disclaimer: I do not speak in behalf of all introverts as I assume not all of us feel the same way. This is merely my outlook and opinion. =)

Inexperienced Songwriter.

As I’ve said in my previous post, I like to write songs (among other things). When I say that to people, they tend to think I’m awesome for having such a talent. Thank you very much. I appreciate it but I can’t fully accept the compliment.

Don’t get me wrong, I really am thankful. I am. Especially to God who gave me such a wonderful talent to work with.

However, I would say that I would be the most inexperienced songwriter ever. hahaha… Inexperienced in the sense that most of the things I write about (if not all) are derived from other people’s experiences and emotions. This is not to say that I don’t like writing about my own feelings, I just simply don’t have anything to write about.

So far, I have written 13 songs and most of them are from the perspective of other people. Mostly friends who had problems and heart aches. I tend to channel their emotions and put myself in their shoes, to try and come up with a song. In a way, I feel like these songs are not entirely mine because they are not my stories to tell. It’s like a sort of secret I have come to know and I decide to present it on OPEN MIC NIGHT. No one knows whose story it is, but… IT IS.

I guess I simply need to go on more adventures, live life, experience more, be more. Easier said than done but realization is definitely a place to start.

Undefined.

I don’t know how to categorize myself.

Some people are doctors, nurses, engineers, architects, businessmen…

I’m… lost. I don’t fall in any category that I know of. I have work. It just doesn’t define who I am. I’m currently in the process of finding out what I would like to be defined and categorized as. So for now, I’m under the “Undefined” section.


You know what my problem is? I like too many things too much that I don’t know which one I LOVE the most.

I like to draw.

I like to sing.

I like to make music.

I like to write songs.

I like to write, though I’m not good at it.

I like to design stuff.

I like to take photos.

I like to read.

I like to watch movies.

I like to watch TV shows.

What do I LOVE?

I don’t know.